MIPA J-World

Monday, July 03, 2006

Sparty On!

By this point, I certainly hope you've voted.
I know what you're thinking:
Dangit! Did I miss choosing Drain Commissioner again?

No, no. That's in November.
Did I miss voting for my favorite on So You Think You Can Dance?
Well, yes, you did. But that's not what this is about. (And besides, you know Donyelle's gonna win).

No, you need to vote, and vote right now, (why are you still reading this? Vote now!)for MSU's beloved mascot, Sparty.

You see, Sparty always makes a visit to MIPA camp. This year, he'll be at the opening session of J-World. And right now, Sparty is in the running for induction to the Official Mascot Hall of Fame. He and five other mascots have a shot at becoming the very first college mascots inducted. Needless to say, this is a big honor, and you can help. Go here to vote.

Sparty really should get this, hands-down. Look who he's up against. It's kind of embarrassing, actually. For instance, the Western Kentucky Big Red:

This guy isn't even a thing. He's a color. Come on, are you serious? At least he could be, like a red something. A dog, maybe. Like Clifford. Or a number. He could be the Big Red One. Shameful.

Then there's Auburn's Aubie the Tiger:

This guy's bio describes him as "the friendliest tiger around." Sheesh. Whatever happened to "eat 'em up!" and all that? A friendly tiger? Doesn't Tony have that gig pretty well covered?
Cuddle up! Cuddle up! Rah! Rah! Rah!

The University of Delaware's Mascot is named YoUDee:

That's Capital Y, small O, Capital U, Capital D, small E, small E.
Now there's a brainstorming session I'm glad I wasn't in on:

Dude 1: Hey, guys! How about "Udee"? You know, like U of D?
Dude 2: I like it... but it's just too simple. How about "Youdee"?
Dude 1: "Me Dee"?
Dude 2: No, You Dee!
Dude 1: Oh...
Dude 3: Yeah, but with a capital U!
Dude 1: Huhn?!
Dude 2: Wha..?!
Dude 3: You know, the U for University!
Dude 1: Yeah, I get it. But doesn't that confuse the whole "You" angle?
Dude 3: Isn't my dad's name on the stadium?
Dudes 1&2: YoUDee, it is!

Another contender is University of Montana's Monte:

This guy is actually kinda cool. Just not nearly as cool as Sparty. And, he just doesn't have the cred. His bio has to put in his short list of accomplishments "known as one of the best collegiate mascots." Uh, I need some attribution, please. That's up there with "they say Tom Cruise is really settling down" in terms of reliable reporting. I do like the bandana, though. And he's got some sweet moves. But put him next to the pumped and ripped Sparty, and he looks like a Build-A-Bear Workshop bear with too little stuffing.

Finally, straight from my five-year-old's nightmares, it's the University of Wisconsin's Bucky Badger:

I mean, look at him. Just after this photo was taken, he ate this young boy. Look at the beady eyes. The gigantic head. This is freak show, not Hall of Fame material. The red&white stripes make you think "candy striper" or "old-timey barbershop quartet member", but then you get to that head, that massive pointed dome, and the whole package falls apart. I imagine he could poke your eye out with that nose. Just come up to him for a handshake and it'd be all Hey, Bucky! Sign my T-shirt? I sure love the way AAAAGH! MY EYE! He poked me in the eye with his freakishly large head! His nose is like an AAAAGH! MY OTHER EYE! He's still poking me! Somebody help! AAAAGH! etc.
Just say no to characters from unproduced David Lynch scripts.

So, the choice is simple. Vote Sparty. NOW.
UPDATE: Voting has now closed, and the winner will be announced August 15. We can only cross our eight fingers, flex our ridiculously-huge biceps and wait...


  • If Sparty doesn't win it will be a bigger injustice than the 2000 Presidential Election. Come on!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:09 AM  

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